Thursday, December 27, 2007


Deep breath in...deep breath out. Focusing on my happy place where I feel loved and safe.


After a holiday flurry of shopping malls, bank card overdraft fees and my big girl pants pinching me in the waist, I can finally take a moment and breathe. It's OK, you can do it too. RELAX PEOPLE. The worst is over.

Today we woke up, looked out the window and saw the above picture out our front door. It's amazing the calm that a good snow brings. It's like the Creator's way of breaking out the bottle of white out and going to town on a messy world.

I wish we all had a big bottle of white out for the screw-ups in our lives. I know the first thing I would ex-husband. Then my husband's ex-wife. Then my job and those pesky neighbors that know too much of our business. A couple of lawyers would be gone too. The war and those stupid holi "duh" car commercials. Oh yeah, and snotty family members who think they are more cultured and better than the rest of us.

Uh hummm. Sorry, Dad's famous Tom and Jerry mix with rum and brandy is starting to kick in.

Well, here's to the New Year and fresh starts. And here's to my new sock monkey flannel pj's with the elastic waist. It happens to be my new apparel for the next few days.

Nothing says sexy slut like flannel sock monkeys. Am I right boys?

Monday, December 24, 2007

Cultural Assimilation

My nephew Jack came all the way from New York to celebrate Christmas in Fortuna.

Less than 24 hours later, he's gone native.

Happy Holidays, everyone.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The Absolute Best Time to get your Saturday Night....(Revised. Again.)

is after you publicly announce your lack of Saturday Night for all the world to see.

Posting about such a personal matter is bad. Very bad. And naughty. Very, very naughty. You might just get a spanking for posting something like that.

If you're lucky, that is.

Sing it with me.

Bomp chicka bow bow....chicka bomp chicka bow wow.....


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Absolute Best Time to get Your Saturday Night....

Wait....What? Saturday what?

I remember...something about Saturday night.....but it's been so long everything's kind of fuzzy.

Bomp Chicka...Chicka...Chi...Oh, never mind.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

My hair looked better in Mexico (Part 1)

Really. It was bouncy and shiny and curly without being frizzy. It was the kind of hair I can't get here no matter how much goop I use in it or how much time I take with it. Maybe it was the humidity; maybe it was the water. All I know is that here I am back in good old Humboldt - and my hair is back to its normal frizzy and unruly state of being, much like my mind.

This is by no means a complete travelogue. Who really wants to be bored with all the details of someone else's vacation? It's just a few selections from the journal I wrote in madly every time we were still, as well as some photos from our time in the Yucatan.

Tuesday, December 4

The smell of jasmine is overwhelming as we sit drinking cafe con leche at a little restaurant in the center of town. The voyage was long and exhausting. We drove to San Francisco, took a bus to the airport, flew to Guadalajara, Mexico City and then Cancun, took a bus to Playa del Carmen and somehow ended up on a slow-moving chicken bus to our final destination. After 30 continuous hours of traveling, we finally arrived in Tulum. Our hostess Janet welcomed us and quickly showed us all we needed to know: which taqueria was pretty but served awful tacos, how to turn on the hot water, the joys of Mexican toilets, and where to find good coffee in the morning. I immediately jumped into a cool shower. Squirrel followed, sweetly attempting to make it our first romantic honeymoon event. I was ridiculously afraid of getting the water in my mouth and couldn't enjoy kissing him.

We walked downtown for dinner but were too tired to do any real exploring, so we ended up eating at a restaurant decidedly geared toward tourists. I watched in horror as the couple across from us poured catsup on their tacos. Our food was mediocre at best, but the cerveza was cheap, ice cold, and at that point the most delicious thing I've ever tasted. Back at the Posada Luna del Sur, we were both asleep by 9.

This afternoon we took a taxi to the beach. I wept when I saw the ocean. Any words I could use to describe the colors and the warmth and the utter beauty would be no different than any other cliche' ever written about the amazing Caribbean waters.

Wednesday, December 5
Today I spent the morning walking through the cemetery, across the main road and through the back streets to where the town butts up against the impassable jungle. The farther I walked, the more smiles and stares I got.

I love the dusty, dirty pueblo with children and turkeys running around and laundry hung on roofs and in backyards. Many of the women here still wear the traditional huipils - white dresses trimmed in beautiful flowered embroidery. There are shrines in every yard to the Virgin of Guadalupe and Christmas lights in the palm trees. As I move by I can hear the lilting voices of the women talking to each other - some inside their houses; some outside. This is the first time that I've deeply wished to know Spanish. I can communicate basic needs, and it hasn't bothered me up to this point that I can't understand the conversations around me. In some ways it's extremely peaceful in its isolation. But I would like to understand the women - to listen in brief passings and perhaps overhear their favorite jokes...or their latest troubles...or what they plan to cook for dinner...or their dreams for their children.

Thursday, December 6
I am sitting under a tree in the heart of the Yucatan jungle waiting while Squirrel is climbing the large pyramid Nohuch Mol. I thought I might want to climb it too when we got here, but by the time we did, and I looked up at the people butt-scooting their way down with barely contained panic, the only thing I could say when Squirrel asked if I would join him was "Hell no!"

I imagined myself becoming a Mayan sacrifice, my body contorting in the air until I landed on the ground with my neck twisted underneath me. Only in this case, instead of being flung gloriously from the top by a warrior, I would have gotten my sandal caught on the edge of a rock, lost my balance and toppled to my death, hitting every stone step on the way down. It's debatable whether the fall or the sheer embarrassment would have killed me first.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Hey Anonymous Asshole.....

Yeah, you. You know, you just left a nasty message on my cousin's post. I'm really sorry you have such a miserable life. Actually...that's not true. I couldn't care less. Stay the hell away. Hear me?

I just got done having my bus hijacked by the Mexican military on the way to Cancun for so long (and with a 50-caliber automatic weapon pointed at the bus the entire time) that I missed my flight and had to pay a boatload of extra money for a new one and spent the next two straight days traveling...with oh-my-god-I-got-so-drunk-I-drank-the-water-stomach I am NOT in the mood to put up with your crap.

Go to hell.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Bah Humbug...

I know that the gauntlet has been thrown down by my ever talented cousin Kristabel. Normally, would try to rise to the occasion, however, I have other pressing issues at hand.

Burt and I work for the same agency. He is with one union (AFSCME) and I am with another (OEA). As of Friday the 30th, his union went out on strike. Our agency is making this an ugly battle in which no one will emerge without deep scars.

Financially we have planned for a rainy day but with the economy and the coming holidays, our umbrella can only take so much before it turns itself completely inside out from the strain.

I'm not sure how companies/agencies can expect their workforce to take such a large health care hit. Burt loses money each and every year.

So I'm sorry I'm not in the mind frame to entertain. If you are reading this and thinking "What about their Mexico trip when they were 18?", you'll have to wait another day until life returns to, well, whatever it was before.