Have you ever had one of those days

when you wake up at 3 a.m. with your bed so full of regrets and resentments that there's no room for you anymore so you force yourself to just get up?

Have you ever realized that you're holding onto your anger for no good reason like it's your Great Aunt Inez's fine crystal vase, and if you happen to take just one finger off it then the whole thing might crash to the floor beneath and break into a million tiny little pieces, and you'll be left standing there naked and vulnerable for the whole world to see?

Have you ever wandered around Old Town wondering why you're in such a horrible mood and wanting to blame it on PMS but realizing that would be betraying all your feminist principles as well as allowing your first ex-husband to have been right about something. And then you plop down painfully on the sidewalk because you dropped your keys in the gutter and stumbled trying to pick them up with the sudden realization that you now have to embarrassingly specify between your first and your second ex-husbands?

Have you ever become disgusted at your own self-absorbed melodrama and told yourself - For Fuck's Sake Look at Haiti and Shut the Hell Up- but then still shed a tear when the girl at Los Bagels rolls her eyes at you because she made your bagel for here and you need it to go, and you wonder if you told her the wrong thing to begin with by mistake because you just turned 40 and senility is waiting right there around the corner?

Yeah, me neither.

Country Waving

I'm sure you remember my film making friend Kristin and her amazing movie about Blocksburg.

Here's her latest. It's a totally charming as well as useful film about the ins and outs of waving in the country. It'll be shown at the National Cowboy Poetry Gathering in Elko, Nevada next week.

Enjoy!

Did You Hear That?

Date: January 18, 2010
Time: 12:30 p.m.
Place: Bayshore Mall, Eureka






Two women and a man are eating bad Chinese food in the Cafe Court of the Bayshore Mall and talking about their online dating adventures.

Woman 1: Every man who I think might be the slightest bit interesting turns out to be a complete freak. The last one I was talking to made some crack about drowning me.

Woman 2: Not really the kind of joke you should make if you want someone to actually meet you.

Woman 1: No kidding!

Man: Meanwhile, I met a guy online who's a real estate developer in Fort Bragg and owns two houses. He sounds really great.

Woman 1: Why couldn't I have just been born a gay man?

Man: A gay man without a gag reflex. It helps.

Monday Wishes

Wishes are a funny thing. They seem to be an innate act for some of us, while for others, they're a struggle. I went to a birthday party yesterday for twins who were turning 3. When we told them to blow out their candles and make a wish they did just that. No questioning or wondering what to wish for. They knew exactly what they wanted.

I'm one of those who hope that my wish was good enough. I wonder, should it have been made just for me or should I have made it for those who have less? Would I be shallow if I wished for material possessions or should I stick with strengthening my soul and hoping for good health? I don't want to waste a perfectly good wish on silly things.

Today, my wish comes less burdened by extraneous thoughts because it's truly and only for someone else. It's for one person who is beautifully articulate in her deeds and words. Who makes me giggle and snort and laugh like I haven't in a long time. It's the one person who knows that underneath my thick exterior there is imperfection and insecurities. She doesn't care though. She loves me just the same, and I reciprocate.

My wish for her today is that she feels loved, appreciated and needed (because she is). I wish for her eternal happiness that is tempered with just a touch of bittersweet (because nobody likes sugar all the time). And lastly, I wish...
that Kristabel has the most.................well, I can't tell you because it won't come true.


Happy Birthday beautiful! I love and miss you. Wish I could be there on this super special occasion.

Top 10 Joys of '09

It's a new year, and unlike some of the more industrious people I know, I just don't do resolutions. But a new year is a good time to take a look at the previous one, and that's what I've been doing today. Here's a list of the top 10 joys of 2009 in my little world.


10. Oatmeal and beets
I've never liked either one of these foods. Then suddenly this year I began, with reckless abandon, eating oatmeal with almond butter and bananas, and roasted beets with goat cheese. Yummy (pay attention to this adjective. It will resurface later.)

9. Art
I am so fortunate that I am surrounded by amazing art and artists every day - even on the dumpsters in the alley on the walk to Ramone's.

8. Old friends
Man, I love you guys.

7. New friends
Joining a book club was something I never thought I'd do, but when a friend told me that not only was it not required that you even read the book, but that the meetings revolved mainly around the food, which was always thematic, I figured I'd have to at least give it a try. The last book we read was "When You Are Engulfed in Flames" by David Sedaris. Since it was set in France and a wacky neighbor made strange Italian-sounding dishes, the food for the meeting included lasagna, croissants, cheese and wine. One woman also announced that she would be bringing Bananas Foster. I didn't really get how that went along with the theme, but who's going to turn down Bananas Foster? At the meeting, she cooked the brown sugar, butter and bananas together until they formed a delectable smelling sauce. She then poured in rum, lit it on fire, and as the flames began shooting up out of the pan threatening to set the kitchen on fire, she threw her own arms up in the air and started shouting, "When you are engulfed in flames! When you are engulfed in flames! I win!!!" God, I love this book club.


6. Old family
Man, I love you guys.

5. New family
Okay, I know you're not exactly officially or legally or anything my new family. And I know it's a little embarrassing that you probably know a lot more about me than you probably want to and more than most of my old family because of this blog, but...well...I like you a bunch.

4. Blogs
I swear I would have no idea what was going on in our community or the rest of the world without blogs. Plus I've met the smartest, wittiest, sexiest, most interesting people in Humboldt through them. You know who you are.

3. Champipple, limoncello and Saturday Night
Bomp chicka bow wow....hic....chicka bomp....hic....chicka bow bow. Yeah.

2. That guy with the big hands
A new year has never looked sweeter.

1. Beautiful, beautiful Humboldt County
Are those of us who live here the luckiest people on the planet? Why yes we are.

Lest you think it's all sweetness and light around here, coming up next will be my top ten irks and irritations of '09.

Happy New Year!