Monday, June 23, 2008

It's Our Birthday!

A little over a year ago Keri and I stood in the kitchen at ABBA ranch licking a bowl of chocolate/orange cupcake batter after our harrowing experience in the wilderness. We were both feeling a little sad as she was leaving the next day to head back to her real life in Portland after a few days of crafting, boozing and kvetching in Humboldt.

"God, you know what would be the perfect thing for a day like this?" Keri asked. "Some chocolate covered xanax." It was then and there that we decided to start a blog for the sole purpose of staying in touch with each other.

We thought we'd exchange a few photos,bitch about whatever was pissing us off at the moment talk about new coping techniques, analyze in excruciating detail our relationships with men, share crafty tips and delicious recipes and complain brag about our families. And we did all these things. Plus a few more.

What we didn't realize at the time was that our little chocolate-covered world would also lead us to a community of people who were doing the same things that we were. Okay, well maybe not exactly the same things, but you know what I'm saying. Communicating. Putting stuff out there. Discussing. Sharing. Really, through all the neuroses and drunken stories and stupid girl tricks and tears and laughing so hard that limoncello comes out our noses....we're blessed to know you all.

So we want you to celebrate our 1st Blog Birthday with us! Some of you may see it as a Bloggiversary, but no. You don't get spankings for an anniversary, after all. We've decided, in a blatant rip-off of our favorite Boy Most Likely To..... to offer a little birthday contest giveaway.

Unlike our favorite Boy, we're not nearly as generous or practical. No useful gas card here. Instead, the winner will be the lucky recipient of a fabulous Chocolate Covered Xanax Mystery Gift Assortment. What will it include? We can't tell you for sure. But we promise you'll love it. Really. Don't be scared.

The rules? Just leave us a comment telling us:

What would you give us for our 1st Blog Birthday?

There are no restrictions. Money's no object. Fantasies are fine. You don't have to wrap it.

The most creative answer will get you the big prize.

Thanks for putting up with us. We love you. Yes, even you, Ordinary Guy. And especially you, Heraldo. Still. xoxoxox


Anonymous said...

A spanking, of course. Then, a spanking.

mresquan said...

A transvestite Elvis impersonator would serenade you as you strutted around wearing stilettos and cowgirl hats.

Kristabel said...

Oh, anonymous, you can do better than that.

And mresquan...that sounds like a gift for you, not for us. xo

Anonymous said...

A self-serving coffee pot with handles and stirrups so you can grind your own... OMG that's a great idea! Instead of a bicycle that runs your radio, you have a naughty coffee maker that makes you work for your perk...

Holy Christ, Kristabel, what have you done to me? Chocolate Covered Xanax has warped my fragile mind.

Kristabel said...

Damn it, Heraldo. I was trying not to link to that one.

I gotta admit, though, that is an intriguing idea.

Have you been nipping at the gin tonight?


Anonymous said...

No, that one was all natural. Except for the intoxicating thoughts of your coffee pot, of course.

Henry said...

A sweet potato and a pair of speedos.

robash141 said...

Well, I could share Kristabel part of the $50.00 gas card I just won on blogmostlikely2.

That way we could drive off together, to a secret spanking place. whereupon arrival the ass-smacking would enthusiastically commence.

Kristabel said...

Robash! Haven't you heard about Squirrel's machete?

And what about Keri?

robash141 said...

Don't worry about Squirrely

I've got him all figured out.

Most of the time I'll know what he's going to do even before he does something.

The Card is worth 50 dollars which would only get us about halfway to Portland maybe.

She lives too far away so I'm afraid Keri is just out of luck.

Keri said...

Kbel, I would give you one of those fantastic homemade dresses in the picture. But in addition, I would also add some crafty goodness like bedazzle jewels, ric rack and some fringe. A girl can't be too adorned.

Happy joint bday beautiful!!!


Kristabel said...

Now that's what I'm talkin' about, Anonymous.

Keri and I've already seen Mamma Mia on Broadway...but we'd see it again! Especially if we could arrive freshly pedicured and drunk on fine wine in a limo.

I think you're the front runner.

P.S. Will you marry me?

Kristabel said...


Do you see the gift in the picture? It's make-your-own crafty chicken pillow!

I'd give you a selection of hens and one handsome well-mannered rooster with your very own chicken coop. It would be a miniature version of the Carson Mansion so that you'd never forget your Humboldt roots. The Ingomar Coop. I like it.

Happy birthday, my sweet.


Anonymous said...

I'd give you two the honor of dressing up like twin Dolly Parton's from 9 to 5 and
you would be driven to the Blogger's Picnic in a stretch limousine where you would charge admission for all of the attendees to see Heraldo hogtied in the back ala Dabney Coleman from the same film.

Anonymous said...

I'd give you an unlimited plane ticket so that you could study all the alcoholic beverages and sex practices of anywhere in the world and then write about it.

Anonymous said...

Gurls, you will really really raelly LOVE Suzys presence (one for each couzin) becuz A POWERFUL good freind is teh best gift of all.

grinding 4 peace,

Kristabel said...

Ha! I especially love that it's an extra large Suzy.


Anonymous said...

How about some dark chocolate handcuffs?

Joel Mielke said...

I wanted to get you your own domain name, but was already taken by a cyber-squatter.

Carol said...

I would like to give you gals a couple of Groovey Girl Dolls:$File/groovygirl1.jpg

Erin said...

Dearest Keri and Kristabel,

A birthday celebration makes a great gift. A party with all your favorites; Sushi, Everclear and Meyer lemon shots, colorful crotchless ruffled panties, explicit and totally inappropriate crafting opprtunities, a number of spankings, gift certificates to some of your favorite places like VOODOO doughnuts and Spartacus Leather and yes, mresquan and Heraldo for a bit of excellent eye candy and entertainment.


I could just take you both out to lunch ~ The Alibi is yummy and always fun!


Kristabel said...

I wanted to get you your own domain name, but was already taken by a cyber-squatter.

Aaaaawwww. I've never gotten a nerd gift before. Thanks for the thought!

headwrapper said...

You don't have to wrap it.

but, but, what if the gift is the wrapping. Headwrapping School offers a free birthday certificate good for two wrapped heads.

Kristabel said...

and yes, mresquan and Heraldo for a bit of excellent eye candy and entertainment.

Hey, now there's a sandwich fantasy I hadn't thought of yet! Thanks, Erin.

I'll take the lunch at the Alibi as long as it includes a big fat bloody mary.


Keri said...

Wow! So many great presents and we're only 1. Think what we might get on our 21st bday! Did somebody say stripper pole??


PS- Thanks for the mini chicken mansion. Every fine feathered foul should have one.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

If I had the money (which I don't since this is FAIR weekend coming up and all my money will go to buy tickets for kiddie rides that will make the dirt faced okie kids puke) I would totally buy you the following.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

UGH! Blogger cut off my links. *sigh*

Jennifer McKenzie said...

WOW! It did it again.
It REALLY doesn't want you to see what I would have given you!!!

And to tell you wouldn't do it justice.


Well, it's the Cheetah handled whip and the Spanking game. Maybe you can see them at the Good Relations site.

Keri said...

I'm a shoe size 7 1/2. Ya know, for the matching shoes that go with the whip!


Have fun at the fair!

Anonymous said...

Hey, now there's a sandwich fantasy I hadn't thought of yet!


Kristabel said...

Damn, you caught me.

Thanks for not mentioning the part about Carson Park Ranger and the big tub of Crisco.

Joel Mielke said...

Luckily, now we know better than to use hydrogenated fats.

Bumblebee said...

My birthday wishes for you both... May your key lime pie always land in your mouth... may you feel a song coming on for joy and not well, you know... may all your parrot stories make you snort with glee. May you always be goofus' on the roofus'. May you never forget that through the brides maid dresses, too much tequila, bad hair, bad clothes and distance you both never forget you are soul sista's you have a bond of nutty family, stories of joy, heartache and above all else love.

Wishing you another year of spankings, laughter, tears and things that go buzzzzz in the night or day time as the case may be.

I love you my friend and Keri.


Bumblebee said...

As far as your gift... world peace, love, harmony... I can't even say that without giggling.

My gift too you... that all your fortune cookies come with it's not about the struggle, but the wiggle. Ben and Jerry move in and serve you daily. All your chairs in life vibrate, a spanking paddle becomes a daily accessory. To laugh loud or cough and not pause for a moment in fear. Mostly my gift to you both would be to make sure you always got what you wish for so you are happy for all time.