And now in the something tells me there might have been alcohol involved department

Maybe it's me, but I cannot stop laughing hysterically at this article from the Fresno Bee, "Burglar victims wake to spice rub, sausage attack."

The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying "Pappy's Seasoning" to one of them and striking the other with a sausage.

And an 8-inch sausage at that!

Unfortunately in the end, the great big weapon was eaten by a dog.

I'm sure Pappy's is lovely, but personally, when being rubbed by burglars, I prefer that they use larrupin sauce. And don't worry. I'm not even going to tell you about my sausage preferences.