Sunday, January 27, 2008

Things that make me feel better after driving home with a terrible sake hangover and realizing there are probably things from the night before that I

should regret saying but unfortunately can't remember enough to regret them:

sake

1) Boys with spiky hair who work at Safeway

I realize that every moment of every day that goes by I move a step closer to being 40. I also realize that this means I have most definitely moved into the realm where young people who bag my groceries might begin to call me ma'am. Spiky haired boys at Safeway certainly realize this too, but they wisely wink and call me miss anyway, god love 'em.

2) Yams

Hot, steamy, yummy, orangey...baked and eaten with nothing but some fresh salted butter on top. They settle my stomach and make me feel all wholesome and earthy and pure and virginal again.

3) Langhorne Slim on the ipod.

His voice is just unhinged enough to be comforting.

4) Snow

Beautiful, silent and peaceful snow. Getting snowed in means that maybe by the time I'm able to get to town again, everyone will have forgotten about all the inappropriate things that came out of my mouth.

5) Daffodils

The coming of spring means that I can melodramatically blame my overindulgence on the dark, dreary, depressing days of winter and my feelings of grief and loss and hopelessness. Sniff.

6) Love is blind

I have a husband who upon seeing me this morning about to hike up to check the water tank in fleece pajamas with sheep on them, hot pink rubber boots and hair that hadn't been brushed for two days said, "You look like Super Homesteader Girl. That's hot." While doing the dishes, no less. What more could a girl ask for?

P.S. If I happened to have seen you outside the Shanty and loudly pointed out the upstairs window you need to yell at in order to get crack, sent you a pornographic email, flashed you while you were driving or talked to you on the phone and asked you to run away and join a traveling carnival with me and let the bearded lady homeschool our little carny children...well....um....sorry.

44 comments:

mresquan said...

"P.S. If I happened to have seen you outside the Shanty and loudly pointed out the upstairs window you need to yell at in order to get crack, sent you a pornographic email, flashed you while you were driving or talked to you on the phone and asked you to run away and join a traveling carnival with me and let the bearded lady homeschool our little carny children...well....um....sorry."

Holy crap!!And you've done all of that to me in the past hour alone.Don't be sorry.And just so you know,my crack dealer is that bearded lady that you hope will be watching our carnies.We'll discuss that further.

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

Apology Accepted.

-boy

Defiantmuse said...

I love your blog. Yum. Wasn't the snow today amazing?!?! btw, anytime you want to meet at the Shanty for a few brews - I'm totally down.

Kym said...

Its not yams (but turnips) that do it for me. However, I know exactly what you mean by feeling virginal after eating them. Great post!

Erin said...

Yams huh? I'll have to remember that....

xoxoxoxoxo

Carol said...

Were you at the Shanty Saturday night?

ordinary guy said...

Why do you think I call you a slut when you write stuff like that?

Kristabel said...

Uh...I don't know, OG, maybe because I don't write "stuff like that" to you?

Kristabel said...

Were you at the Shanty Saturday night?

Nope. Just passing by on my way to somewhere else and handing out helpful hints to the people standing around outside.

mresquan said...

Ummm,..Kristabel,you should be busy doing other things...much more important and certainly more fun than dealing with OG....

Kristabel said...

Oh! Thank you for helping me keep my priorities in check, mresquan. What would I do without you?

Rocket J. Ardilla said...

I can't understand why this OG person has appointed themselves morality police of this blog.

If Mr. Ordinary guy is upset by what he is reading then there are many alternative possibilities of other ,less upsetting, reading material available on the internet.

mresquan said...

"What would I do without you?"
Pondering on that must be devastating for you!!

Erin said...

Ordinary Guy,

Perhaps you may find less upsetting reading @

virtuousreality.com
virtuous-women.com

Your inability to control the impulse to read that which upsets you so much, is obviously a problem for you.

I have a strong background in behavior modification...perhaps I could help you to remove that sharp stick you have so deeply imbeded in your ass or relieve you of the intense judgement that so easily flows from your finger tips.

Please be sure to let me know :)

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

It is official Goddess, you now have your own Idiot! However, your Idiot chooses to have a name.

-boy

Jennifer McKenzie said...

LOL! I avoid The Shanty. It's kind of scary.
But I frequently do inappropriate things at Bear River Casino.
Don't tell my mother.
And I need to know where these Safeway boys are. They still insult me and call me ma'am. I'm not forty yet and one of these days "ma'am" is going to send me up on a tower with ammunition.
Just sayin'.
(and kidding)

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

Darn! I need to open up an ammo store. I get the feeling the 30 something womens' demographic might be the next growth area for ammo sale.

Just a thought

-boy

Kristabel said...

Mresquan...why do I even talk to you cocky boys?

Erin...you kill me. I think your comment may just scare poor ordinary guy back into hiding.

Jennifer...I find any of the casinos far scarier than the Shanty! But if you're gonna be there...I'm glad to see you're being inappropriate.

Boy...I'm not even sure what to say. xoxox

Jane Doe said...

Ammo for all the women who still miss their man but keep trying, Boy?

Romeo said...

LOL, i love the free spirits.
drop the tight arse attitude OG
Live a little.

Kristabel said...

I love a man who says "arse."

Granny said...

Safeway boys in Fortuna are hot!

ordinary guy said...

Hey back off. I just think kristabel should act less like a slut and more like a lady. the rest of you should too.

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

I am a card carrying Slut of the Blogsphere!

YOU back off!

-boy

mresquan said...

Okay OG ,I'll make sure to spank her for misbehaving.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

Oooo a spanking! A spanking! Pick me! Pick me!
And Granny, I have to agree though I feel really old when I stare at them.
It's the whole "married with kids" thing.
And Kristabel, the casinos ARE scary but it's well lit. Very well lit.

Romeo said...

Then youll love my Arse ;). Hey OG Thats why your just an Ordinary guy Lol. i think he needs a good Root by the sounds...

Rocket J. Ardilla said...

Hey back off. I just think kristabel should act less like a slut and more like a lady. the rest of you should too.

I have a better Idea maybe we can all act like Rocky Balboa and OG can act like the meat

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

I believe that in the latest Rocky movie (last year), the meat got a long awaited rematch, and beat the Italian Stallion in a 12 round decision. All of the judges scored the bout in favor of the meat.

-boy

Erin said...

Alright...Alright...Alright...

Time now, for Kristi to engage us all with something else...

xoxoxoxox

Kristabel said...

Okay...I finally get home today and this is what I find. What is wrong with you people? And why aren't we all at The Shanty together discussing this over cocktails? Sounds like mresquan will have his hands full...hee hee.

Oh, and romeo....you're going to have to enlighten me on some of these quaint Australian words and phrases. What's a root?

Don't worry Erin, I'll move on soon, but I've got more pressing issues right now. I think it's all this talk about meat.....

RomeO said...

Quite pedestrian realy :P.But we Australians are different.
ill have to draw a graphic Picture sometime to explain Root ;)

Kristabel said...

I think OG simply has kangaroos loose in the top paddock.

Just trying to speak your lingo, romeo, but I think I might need a private lesson.

rocket J.ardilla said...

I believe that in the latest Rocky movie (last year), the meat got a long awaited rematch, and beat the Italian Stallion in a 12 round decision. All of the judges scored the bout in favor of the meat.

-boy


Maybe that's true boy ,but this particular piece of meat is not going to be getting the nod from the judges.

rocket J Ardilla said...

Same goes for Mr. Esquan.

Romeo said...

Lol thats good. But i wont rule out that private lesson ^^

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

I realize only now, after reading again what I wrote earlier, that I have started the meat snowball on its path of destruction down the mountain.

-boy

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it's all about you boy.

Bumblebee said...

It has come to my attention friend, that I have a stalker on your blog.... oh yeah baby... the bee has a stalker on your blog... so I'm going to bump boy aside and have some things be about me!!!!!

So now, tonight before we cuddle into bed together, lets find our sparkle panties and have a spanking party.

Erin said...

Hey Bee...

Can I come too?

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

Yeah, it's all about you boy.

Well, it can't be about an anonymous, dare I say...i d i...oh it can't be that person.

Anyway. Bee? Bee? Are those sparkle panties going to be green???

-boy

Bumblebee said...

Oh yes Boy, you know the ones I speak of, you have dreamed of pulling them off us with your teeth... and then in my dream you do that thing with your tongue.

And Erin, of course you may come to the spanking party....

Kristabel said...

This blog has been taken over by freaks and perverts!

FINALLY!

xoxoxo

The Boy Most Likely to ... said...

I just traded in my Slut card for a FREAK! card. And there was much rejoicing!

-boy